eighteen

11.10.2011

its official. this girl is a legal adult.
it honestly feels weird to write out those words. my perception on this is a mixture of fear, amazement, sadness, anxiousness, excitement, relief, and about ten thousand other elements which i couldn't even begin to explain. there's a certian sense of nostalgia that hasn't left me since my birthday yesterday. memories wisp across my mind like ghosts, as i remember the past eighteen years. granted, i probably have short term memory loss don't remember every moment. but the ones that i do are something that no one can ever take away. the everyday things that shaped me. the importances that i never want to forget. the those times i gulped for air as i cried my eyes out in my bed. those times i couldn't understand how i could be so blessed. that very moment i realized i was in love. the countless faces i've met. the ones i've had to say goodbye to. the wanting to give up, thinking i couldn't take another step. and then always being sure that there is a reason for everything, a reason for my existance.
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eighteen years. the more i say it outloud, the shorter my life seems to be. while it quite literally is my entire span so far, it is a low number. ten plus eight, twenty minus two, however you want to say it. how could i possibly be an adult already? and at the same time though, i feel so aged. i smile as i write this, refusing to laugh because someone called me an incredibley old lady. its crazy to think that i'm considered to be grown up. to me, maturity is something that no one ever reaches entirely. i will always be my silly young self. and yes, a kid at heart. i will never be too old to swing at the park, to be a complete goof, to say the most ridiculous things. half the time i think i'm just a silly thing. but a number that labels your life? now that's the silly thing. you're as old as you feel, or as young as you feel. making each day count is something i've always tried to do, something i'm still failing at. taking every moment and making the best of it. doing what i was created for, loving Jesus through everything. because i've already spent eighteen of my years here. and i've got an eternity waiting for me after this life.

17 comments:

  1. Happy birthday, Madison! Goodness, I don't even know where to begin.
    Well, you are AMAZING. As a girl a few years younger than you, I look up to you both as a blogger and a person. I love your photography and can tell that you have a huge heart. I hope your birthday was great. :)
    ~Natalia

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  2. okay--so I loved everything you said about growing up, etc...just perfect. happy birthday m'dear!

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  3. yep. that's what it feels like. definitely.
    sincerely,
    18 for 2 weeks now

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  4. love this post. :)

    happy, happy birthday! hope your eighteen is fabulous.

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  5. happy birthday you beautiful person. :))
    -jocee <3

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  6. happy, happy birthday Madison! I loved this post so very much! :)

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  7. I wish I felt that way about age... those numbers affect me more than they should.
    Happy birthday to you both! Hope you and the fam had a great day yesterday and I pray you have a wonderful year this year!
    Alice

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  8. happy birthday! hope your day was extra special, entering the adult world (:

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  9. Happy birthday! love your blog and you! rock on girl! ;)

    God Bless!
    -Francesca-

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  10. Hope you had an amazing birthday! I myself am turning eighteen in a few months. The idea makes me cower back a bit and just wonder how I got here so quickly. I love your words about growing up. So beautifully expressed.

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  11. Happy belated birthday Mad, and I LOVED the last sentence of your post!

    PB

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  12. happy, happy birthday madison. you are such an inspiration. your words, and you, are beautiful. you have happy years ahead of you :)

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  13. At nineteen, I feel the same way! Still feel like a kid sometimes, trying to be an adult! But then, I'd rather not try and just enjoy the youth God has blessed me with. Happy birthday, keep being you!

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  14. first off. happy birthday my dear!!! i remember going through the same feelings on my 18th birthday and every year since then. but i think you have the right idea. that you can never be too old for swings. or silly laughter. or jokes. or being yourself. no number can define you.

    its funny this morning i was feeling a bit old coming into work at the buttcrack of dawn but reading this made me realize that im only as old as i allow myself to feel. and i feel pretty young at heart. thanks for the reminder!

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  15. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Sorry it's a little late haha!

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