changes

2.02.2012

things are changing again around here. sometimes it seems like for worse. but ultimately its for the better. its hard to explain just what i feel. i'm not as good with words as i am with thinking.
my mom has cancer again. a few days ago i had no idea i would be sitting here, typing these words out. tests and surgeries will have to be done. some great journey has been placed before my family, i'll admit i am so scared. its like being hit by a train. suddenly and all at once. none of us saw this coming, there couldn't have been enough good words or advice to brace us for the bad news. life was fine, just fine the way it was. everything was slowly getting back to normal. then the phone rang. the doctor said what he had to. and i can't help but wonder....why?

flowers

flowers b&w

if i do not rest in God's promises, i'm sure to fall into fear. courage, love, safety, strength; these things He gives to us now. i am lost without knowing that all of this has a purpose and a reason. i can't see it now. but i know it exists, its there. i'm speaking from my heart when i say - He is God. who are we to question why? i've thought long and hard about it. when trouble arises, my reaction is to panic. i try to fix things. and then i break down when i realize they are beyond what i can mend. but my Jesus heals and comforts. He loves us with an everlasting love.

through this, He is blessing us. most of the time cancer seems like a curse. it tears apart physically and mentally. it alters the the way my family goes through everyday. but here's the thing - God is blessing us through this! i can see it in the way He provides for us everytime. i am being brought closer to people despite this hardship. my friends are there always. to have such support through prayer and words and actions is an undescribable thing. its a constant reminder of God's love for us. yes, there are times when i feel like simply giving in and giving up. trying to comprehend why this is all happening again, it drives me crazy. repeating history isn't something i want now. sometimes i just don't want to go through with it all again. and then i'm faced with a truth. His ways are perfect, His ways are just. He is beyond comprehension and complete understanding, because He is God. i don't have to try and figure out why things are the way they are. i only have to rest in Jesus. He promised to take care of us, He still is, and will always keep that promise.
the moon b&w

21 comments:

  1. oh my, what a beautiful post. i will be lifting up you and your family in prayer, and i am glad to see that you found optimism in this. keep smiling! :))
    -jocee <3

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  2. oh Madison. i can't even imagine. but i do know that God is there for you always and i will be praying for you and your family, for sure. xo

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  3. Thanks for sharing. My dad is currently waiting for his next PET scan to find out if the chemo killed all the cancer. I whole heartedly believe that God does sustain and strengthen us. I know that my family could not have survived this past 10 months without the prayers of family and friends. The love we have experienced is overwhelming.

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  4. oh madison. I'm so sorry. I can only imagine what a struggle this is for you and your family. praying, love!

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  5. madison. oh, my word. I am so, so sorry. God truly has a plan for you and your sweet family... though it may seem broken and anything but perfect right now. I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. please know that I'll be praying hard for you guys!
    xo

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  6. I'm so sorry! I'll definitely be praying for you! <3

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  7. I know how it is for someone you love to have cancer. I am praying dear. God will provide.

    xoxo,
    --Abi

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  8. Madison, I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this. It's amazing what the Lord can teach us through trials.
    Cry if you need to. Don't worry about complaining. Stay strong. Laugh. Do whatever you need to do. Just remember, He is always there, always. Even when it's tough to comprehend, He is with you, giving you the peace you need to survive. I'm going through a tough time myself right now, but it's amazing the encouragement and comfort I've felt through Christ -- hope it's the same for you, lovely.

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  9. Hi Madison,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom...I'll be praying for her.

    I don't know if you already saw this video, but I thought I should give you a link to it:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2fBdnwooOaw

    This movie.... could possibly change your way of thinking about cancer.

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  10. i'm praying for you and your family, dear. I LOVE YOU.
    <3 <3 <3

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  11. oh, I'm am so very, very sorry. I'm praying for you, dear girl. keep trusting Jesus. ♥♥

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  12. When something hard happened to me, my mom printed off the lyrics to "Trust His Heart". It really struck home, and it was so beautiful. So if you have time, you may want to look them up.

    Sending love your way. <3

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  13. God bless you, Madison. I can't imagine what you're going through but my family's been through quite a few life changing things as well so I can relate in a way. God's plan is so much bigger. SO MUCH BIGGER. And also, this earth is not our home! I'll be praying for you and your mom. Don't give up.

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  14. I am so very sorry. This has got to be extremely hard. My mom has had many health problems lately - I know how this can go. I will be in prayer for you, your mom, and the rest of the family. God will be there for you!

    Also, this lady's blog : http://cprezra823.blogspot.com/ is so encouraging. She prays for many people with cancer and other problems. You should contact her - she is such a prayer warrior!

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  15. Such a touching post! I can;t imagine what you're going through!

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  16. I can't imagine how hard this must be, dear. Trusting in Jesus is the only way, and I know He has a plan in this and everything else. He loves us, even when we find it hard, He just loves. Hugs.

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  17. I'm so sorry. My grandma had lung cancer last November, and this year we found out that she had a brain tumor. Thankfully she is doing well, and I pray that you're mom will recover as quickly as possible, and that she will not go through pain. God Bless you and your family!

    Francesca

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  18. I am so sorry! I will pray for you, and I think that God WILL use this as a blessing in disguise.

    Have a great evening/day/afternoon,

    ~Iona Nicole

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  19. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  20. I will keep your family in prayer.

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